The Last Minute MAN February 8, 2009

It seems like it is in our new generation’s culture to do everything on the very last minute. Maybe i should say it’s the generations fault. Maybe it’s the Malaysian culture all combined together to create a blend sour coffee which is most of us….. The last minute bunch. Oh well whatever and whoever the blame is on, the real culprit is always ourselves. Oh stop the pointing and look at ourselves for once and realize the reality which are facts all pointing the same direction, head on, you. I have actually come to realize this and I really don’t know how to change. I have tried every way I know and I cannot get back the focus I used to have.

It is sometimes due to overconfidence but I don’t understand, where does the confidence come from when I am not even performing. Ego perhaps? Maybe, maybe. You see after what I have just mentioned, I am still pointing to others… haiz….. It’s not that I have been fed through a silver spoon or anything such thing, the fact remains that I have the burden of supporting the family. What happened to my top form? I used to ace everything I do. Oh well most but still this is not satisfactory and not acceptable. Last Monday and perhaps the whole week my friends said things that hurt to the core but thanks to that I have woken up. Although those things said are not to me but I felt it. Will not mention the so and so but really thank u all. Waking up is one stage but how about the rest? I really don’t like what I am seeing from what I have become….

Anyway this is what a Last Minute MAN could only give, nth but regrets and an anti climax to one’s life like mine. Don’t choose this road. It may look nicely paved but the pot holes are just getting bigger at the end. Haiz.

Weird? Boring? Hyperspace Mode? but Nevertheless a great weekend January 11, 2009

The weekend I had this time went by in a blink of an eye for even me to evaluate it properly but I think, things that went by very fast often is the good stuff. For example, back in the days in school, chem class was boring as hell and it went by like each minute is an hour hahaha but when its break time (probably the best time ever in school lol) 20 minutes seems like 5.
Anyway this week kick started with me meeting up with old mates (Dani and Jon sern) hanging out with them in FTZ. Sounds like nothing but playing computer games with the same mates’ u did years back is always a fun thing. Somehow or the other u feel like all of u have the bond and teamwork while playing. Every move is anticipated and synchronized to utter perfection. Well I really missed those days when we would always I mean always go to net city just to get a challenge from people and trying to own them haha. Small we were at that time but still, those are the golden days and sometimes it’s just lovely to be kids for awhile. Back to that day, after that we just went to gurney and we didn’t expect our eyes are “washed” so clean by the view there haha. So many potentials! Girls now a day’s really know how to present themselves hahaha. Anyway after that we just went back to one of mate’s house, jon sern and had a little chat and that’s to that day.
Today was a different twist all together as it started really early in the morning, as I woke up about 6.45 to get ready to go hiking with my college friends as it suppose to be some mentor mentee program. Anyhow Zhen came over to pick me along with small and we headed to the” END OF THE WORLD” Taman Negara actually hahaha. While waiting for the rest to arrive we had our breakfast at some road side stall there and to tell u the truth the nasi lemak was brilliant! The ikan bilis was just lightly killed and fried hahaha. It’s like sushi with a malay twist =P. While eating, kok hong, warren, Mr Lew and big arrived just to startle us because that was the only people who showed up. What happened to the rest!! Oh well I guess most pulled out or something but never mind. After they finished their breakfast we started our hike and bloody hell, the inclines and the drops of the way make the unhealthy me panting for air as I went along the route. Luckily the air was fresh and cool so it wasn’t too bad, not to mention having the company of the group keep things on the go. We reach the destination about an hour’s time and the place wowed me. I didn’t realize there is still such placing in this metropolitan city. It was epic. All the senses just ignite by the view, the breeze the climate, everything! We just settle down to a spot under a tree and started to chill while some of us went to scout the area.
Me and kok hong wanted to be orang asli and tried to catch fishes using out hands haha and soon after the rest tagged along accept zhen who was in slumber mode and slept under the tree haha. We saw many fishes that we don’t see every time. Some marine fishes were dead along the shore also. After the orang asli experience we all chilled some more and chatted. A few hours later we begin our hike home. The experience was tiring but it was very good indeed. These 2 days would a big thick in my life box.

Orchestral dreams December 23, 2008

I grew up loving music. I’ve been loving music since the time could ever remember. My parents and aunts used to play Roxxete, Barry Manillo and so on. Till today those songs are still ringing in my ears. Other than influence music really helps me with those rough times and keeps the soul and spirit high. My love for music really expanded when I started to grow older to be specific when I started form one. I love all kind of music and my 50 GB of music proves it. Although people knowing me may see I listen to rock pop and all the mainstream shit but I secretly admire underground band’s, trance ( now people know already lol ) and orchestral music.

I’ve been to rock concerts like before and haven’t got a chance to watch an orchestra live. Today my wish came true in a very odd way should I say. This is because I was hesitated to go to this so called mini orchestra held in Berjaya hotel one stop which featured the SGGS band ( this made me didn’t want to go lol ) and the Nakumura Girls School ( they call all the way from Japan and this I wanted to see). I really thought it was going to be boring when I heard school girls were playing. I was so darn wrong I tell you haha. The name of the orchestra was also not catchy as it was named SGGS and NAKAMURA wind orchestra. I didn’t know the term wind orchestra is that time. I really thought it was some fancy name that’s all.

Moving on I heard the SGGS girl performing and I said to myself not bad not bad. But once the Jap’s ( Nakumura Girls School ) took over the stage it was like a rock show. Everyone including me was wowed by their performance. They were so darn good and at that time we didn’t even know the history of them yet on till the 3rd song the host mentioned that they were 22 times Japanese champs, the even went to Vienna to perform ( they have the best is quires and orchestral people in the world) and not to mention they have won loads of championship and I cant even remember cause they were to many. Furthermore they were just aged 15-16!! Imagine that! Seriously guys u need to hear to believe it that they so darn good. The best part is not only they can play musical instruments they can even sing every well.

I was really intrigued today for a bad thing of my perception can turn out to be something so good. I shall now have a more open mind and positive thinking. What a great ending to the day…

Campro turbo? wtf!!! December 13, 2008

Proton has suddenly felt the peer pressure from all the leading car makers in the world like VW and Fiat to develop a small CC turbo charged engine. The advantage of such engine is that it would produce relatively big power from a small capacity engine like VW has done with their T-fsi engine’s and fiats turbo jets. Most probably this would be using the already existing 1.6 campro CPS engine and proton said it would be introduce about 2010-2011. This all good in words but i rather doubt proton. No offense but i kind of like proton because I’m Malaysian and i have a soft spot for protons but proton hasn’t got the reputation to develop precision products. Look at their build quality over the pass years my friends. I know it has been slowly improving but for the art of turbo charging, improvements its just not enough as precision is really needed or we will be having a campro exploding galore by then hahaha. Anyway if they pull it off well, I solute them but as for now? God bless proton… LOL

     UPDATES:    It seems like proton also wants to add a turbo diesel engine during that time period …. this is more WTF… should’nt they invest in a energy source such as fuel cells or hybrids? haiz….

Mixed feelings, not a great feeling overall September 19, 2008

Finally everything is all done today, the presentation and the assignments, not to mention spending the whole day in college doing programming and learn. I have slept in like only 4 hours in this 2 days and feeling tired. The stress before presentation and handing in of assignments has really got to because I haven’t been so scared till I vomited in the morning on both that days. I have to say despite all that it was really a new experience that really pushed me to the limit in every way possible way. This experience also created a new bonding among the study group that included alwyn, kok , zhen and shuni. It some sort of bringing back memories of high school friends where u see them almost every single day and for along periods of time till the point u feel like they are suddenly your extended family.

I am happy for my friends in the study group which I know they did well for their presentation. I’m on the other hand very disappointed with my work not turning out the way it suppose to be. My presentation was bad as I was doing the coding almost the whole night and suddenly in the morning after some modifications it all went haywire at the last minute. I really am feeling so down since that presentation day till now as I actually have put in blood, sweat and tears into it but yet it failed badly. I really didn’t know what to do after that, I can barely go on writing the finishing touches of my documentation which I spent doing till 5.30 am in the morning. I have even tried to smile but can’t really do. I guess I really learnt this lesson on not to do last minute work in a hardship manner. At the same time I also feel I have learnt a lot from knowing nothing and in that context I feel proud a little but still the facts haven’t changed.

Today, now, sitting here, I am supposed to feel relieved that all is done, I am, but at the same time I am not. I suddenly don’t know what to do. There is like the emptiness in me and stuff. I even feel kind of happy as today I have change my car muffler tip to a straight flow one and also took it to a car wash as it really needed one. My day was really enlightened only just as I watched the movie The Love Guru. It is a darn hilarious movie that made me laugh out loud till my family thought I was crying hahaha. Well that happy moment has now passed as I am back to square one of my disappointment on my project.

I have really tried, and I would like to thank all that helped me on it, but I really took this defeat to the heart. It really hurt. Some may say it’s a reason or may think its some joke but it so isn’t. I feel so disappointed till I want to give up on everything but that isn’t wise as I have came a long way. I don’t know how long would it take to recover form this. Haiz! After this will be the final examinations where I’m so darn afraid of my business law.

Now you see the bombardment of feelings I am having right now. One word ….. Down!!!.

A little emo, stress and the lot!!! August 17, 2008

It has been a large struggle in life for me as I have to balance out so many things now from studies, projects, my family and managing my social life. It is not a walk in the park process as I am also catering to the evolution on my being. Currently and so suddenly everything is thrown at me I have to juggle the balls all right to this time I will really fall. So far it has been frustrating but thanks to friends I have and my girl friend, I think I manage to keep it up.

Anyway it has been a long week for me getting pass everyday but when I do mention ‘a long week’ but it seems to be like the days fly by even my eyes couldn’t keep up with it. Is it when we are bored and have nothing to do when we see all the details of life passing by that are why we assume the day passes by slowly? And when we are so busy we just don’t notice anything and everything just flies by? I don’t have any theories or conclusions upon this statement I made but it does seem to be that way to me.

This week alone there has been so many up’s and down’s allocated in my life book. First was the bad news about the Business Law exam results. I really thought I could have made it but it seems my work isn’t cut out for being “lawful” enough I presume. Then there is the heat felt upon how much I have to do for my project and I am kind of stuck with its progress. Luckily peer pressure and good friend surrounded me and aided me in this project kok, hong zhen and alw. Great people I tell u. I started this weekend with much intuition to begin my learning curve but it has soon ended because my have didn’t have electricity for the day ( Saturday ) darn! I was doing my just looking through with one a half charge of laptop battery. A suffering time it tell u because it was also very hot in those situations. I might have gotten out of the house to get my laptop power but I can’t because I needed to take care of my grandparents. My aunts are all busy working and stuff so I needed to do the job.

For most of you all taking care might seem like nothing but to take care of a 85 year old 3 time stroke, heart and so on, patient, I can tell u it isn’t easy at all. He would be calling me constantly to aid him at his cause. For that Saturday I sat down in my room fanning him while he was sleeping (the electric was out remember?) . haiz! Stress! Then my grandmother on the other hand always asks me out to buy her stuff like marketing and all and sometimes I’ll be up in the wee hours doing marketing with her. I love them a lot but sometimes it seems too much for a ordinary person for me to take this all in.

All this complaints only have me to blame it on as I am not good enough to cope. Even today no work was done because wave after wave of guest came to my house to visit my grandpa and my aunt’s was out so I had to be the ass sitting there and entertaining them. Plus to that the water to my house was out for about 3 hours. GOSH!!! I haven’t even started with my lack of time to socialize with my most of my good friends like DANI, Euwayne and a few more. I feel bad and sad some of them may think I’m doing all this deliberately but I’m not. Sorry is all I can say. Sorry to my gf also. Haiz!. Sometimes I really hope I had a normal family like living with my parents. But it isn’t going happen. So people, consider yourself lucky everyday because you do not need to go through what I am going through. I know it’s it’s not catastrophically bad but hey I’m stressing out and I do thank god I have a roof to live under.

21 years has gone by….. July 21, 2008

This song had reminded me of all the good times that went by during the days when time was ample and everything was care free…. i miss those times……this song is by The Atari’s carrying a title, In this Diary….. meaningful words ….. here is the link for u guys to listen and get a verbal and visual picture of the true meaning and the lyrics are below it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SScE9bbb7EY

Here in this diary,
I write you visions of my summer.
It was the best I ever had.
There were choruses and sing-alongs,
And not a spoken feeling.
I’m knowing that right now is all that matters.
All the nights we stayed up talking
And listening to 80’s songs;
Quoting lines from all those movies that we love.
It still brings a smile to my face.
I guess when it comes down to it…

Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
Is just following your heart
And eventually you’ll finally get it right.

Breaking into hotel swimming pools,
And wreaking havoc on our world.
Hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time.
The black top’s singing me to sleep.
Lighting fireworks in parking lots,
Illuminate the blackest nights.
Cherry cokes under this moonlight summer sky.
2015 riverside, it’s time to say, “goodbye.”
Get on the bus, it’s time to go.

Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
Is just following your heart,
And eventually you’ll finally get it right.

Small Wonders July 3, 2008

This morning as i was just driving to college and i passed by a primary school, i just stopped and stared at the children were so happy.I then start to wonder, how the small wonders of the world could just inspire us when we were kids. We kinda found everything very amusing for example catching tad poles or even cycling the whole day till our mum shouts at us and call us in for dinner or stop playing. You could see the eyes of children glittering with joy when they see something new or something they have not experience at all.

Sadly the fact are that facts. It is very true when we grow older, the simple things in life wont really inspire us anymore. We become more materialistic our thoughts turns more to luxury rather than basic wonders. That all change yesterday as i was in mate’s house when one of my friend pulled out his laptop and started to play some classic Nintendo and Atari games and really to my surprise everyone there was all amazed even me. We were all excited to play those classical games all over again like when we were kids. If it was some advanced games like Call Of Duty 4 maybe i wouldn’t say anything but for simple pixelised games,WOW! I guess whatever they say about us humans, we are always connected to our roots and our inner child.

The start….. June 28, 2008

It has been years sinced i started blogging. I think it was the year 2004 i last post up my last post….. hahah…. long time eh…. So may this become a new start to this new blog and to everything i do now….. peace ya’ll!!!  =)